Turned the Page

We wonder why we try to write, sometimes. Especially when the phrases aren't coming easily, the book contracts aren't forthcoming, or it's just one of those straight uphill days. If we're lucky something happens to make us realize why the struggle is worth it. 

That something, this time, is what's happened to my mother.

My mom's been waiting to die for years. Not only waiting, wanting to die. It's no secret, you can ask anyone who knows her, even her. Why this time last year, with so much most anyone else would consider every reason to live--her grandaughter's upcoming wedding, a new great-grandson, two grandchildren's graduations and money enough to do whatever she wanted, and reasonably good health--mom said exactly that, not once, but several times. "I want to die." "I wish I were dead." She said it loudly and seriously enough that the staff at the assisted living reported it and therapy was ordered. 

Mom doesn't get out much. Not that she can't. Or doesn't have opportunities. But she chooses not to. Days go by and she never leaves her apartment. Not even for meals. (Even though going to the dining room is a requirement in her Independent-Assisted Living facility). Mom's tried some of the activities. She's gone on some field trips, took art classes for a while, even played bingo for a spell (because her then boyfriend "Charlie" liked to play). But then, she started having bladder issues and despite what they say in the Depends commercials, her will to participate flew. And took with it, her will to live. 

Then, someone got the brilliant idea to start a Book Club. The staff coerced--insisted-- mom attend.. Now, this isn't what you'd think of as the usual book club. Usually, book club members read the books on their own and then coming together for discussion. In this book club, members listen to a book. Why?  Because most of the folks in the club can't see to read anymore. So, an hour at a time, once a week, they listen as one person reads a chapter or two, with occasional pauses to discuss parts that aren't clear or might be particularly interesting. They continue on this way until the book is finished. Unless the chapters are super short, at a chapter a week, it takes months to finish a book. 

At first, specifically because working through a book was slow going, Mom wasn't keen on the book club. In fact, if Dana, the director, hadn't told Mom she had to participate in "something" or she would have to move out as this was not a nursing home--and even then, if they hadn't served snacks (cookies, cakes and coffee)--Mom probably would have quit. But then fate intervened by way of a novel entitled A Journal for Jordan.

 Other than that it was an "Oprah Book", I have absolutely no clue idea what A Journal for Jordan is about. Or whether it's particualrly well written, or interesting, or not... All I know is that the young aide, the "designated reader" for the Book Club was having "a difficult time" reading some of the passages. "She kept mispronouncing words," Mom said. 

What you may not know is: my mother is a retired teacher, a reading specialist, and an excellent reader. (Something the aide found out soon enough.) After being corrected a few too many times, the aide--perhaps in a slightly irritated voice--asked Mom,  "Do you want to read the book?"

To her surprise, Mom said, "yes!" 

Ever since, every week, Mom's been the designated "Reader" in the Book Club. Attendance in the Book Club is on the rise. (The other day "a man" join it!) Mom's become something of a celebrity in the Assisted Living, and best, there are plans afoot to increase club meetings to two-a-week.

The satisfaction Mom gets from reading to the other residents who can't read, and the praise they heap on her for her "lovely voice" and "excellent expressiveness" and "cheerful clothing" is what made the difference. It literally changed Mom's life! Not only doesn't Mom want to die anymore, she's got the club booklist . . . and her Book Club wardrobe planned out for quite some time to come.

Books can transform--save lives! 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Truth About Visitors

Visitors use towels, dirty dishes, take up space, have the nerve to claim the TV clicker . . .basically wreak havoc on routine. And more...

. . . If were lucky that is!

After having a home in New York for more than 3 years, I could name the sights on my way to and from the grocery, post office, hardware store & the airport exits. . .  I was especially familiar with the view from my desk chair. And since we're being truthful, with the view from the fridge to the TV. . .  I had a drawer full of New York/Long Island "Sights to See" Guides but had never cracked the spines. 

Then the visitor came! 

The visitor was framly (friend-so-long-they're-family) John from Tulsa. John and I, almost 30 years ago, worked together. We were both restaurant cooks. Our working relationship spread from kitchen work, to raising kids, gardening, decorating, painting, unpacking, packing. We work well together and have fun while we work. Our motto is: 

Crank up the music and get er done! 

Without apologizing, I'll admit how, in anticipation of John's visit, I looked around at my house, at the columns of boxes needed to be unpacked, at the stacks of pictures waiting to be hung, and the cupboards waiting to be organized, at the wallpaper waiting to be hung, and practically salivating. Imagine what John and I could accomplish this week!

And even though John was using one of his two-only weeks of vacation to come and visit, he wouldn't have minded one bit. In fact, I know he would have loved it! (He's that kind . . . )

Still. . . as enticing as the thought of all we could accomplish was, instead we:

Walked and walked and walked the city, discovering wonders like this Zipper Graffiti

Walked and walked and walked the city, discovering wonders like this Zipper Graffiti

Hunkered under a nut vendor's umbrella during a rain shower, then finally broke down--after we were soaked--and bought umbrellas.  

Hunkered under a nut vendor's umbrella during a rain shower, then finally broke down--after we were soaked--and bought umbrellas.  

Toured Radio City Music Hall--and sneaked snaps of Tony Award rehearsal through the camera room window. Then, come Sunday night, glued ourselves to the TV with take-away dinner to watch the show because "we were there"!

Toured Radio City Music Hall--and sneaked snaps of Tony Award rehearsal through the camera room window. Then, come Sunday night, glued ourselves to the TV with take-away dinner to watch the show because "we were there"!

Braved the long and winding line at The Original Shake Shack. Which shake should we try? 

Braved the long and winding line at The Original Shake Shack. Which shake should we try? 

Took turns playing "photographer" with Russian tourists at Rockefeller Center--while pretending not to speak English

Took turns playing "photographer" with Russian tourists at Rockefeller Center--while pretending not to speak English

Before I knew it, I notices my mind drifting back to my stories. The "What ifs" and "I could trys" were popping, snapping, pinging and zinging in my noggin. At a level I hadn't experienced since first beginning on this writing journey, I found myself wanting to get to work. I even pulled out my cell phone to jot some story notes. 

Sniffed spices and filched samples at Grand Central Station Marketplace

Sniffed spices and filched samples at Grand Central Station Marketplace

And even bought souvenirs 

And even bought souvenirs

 

Played with Dots pillows--even though we knew we'd get in trouble-- in Dylan's Candy Store

Played with Dots pillows--even though we knew we'd get in trouble-- in Dylan's Candy Store

Sat at Meg Ryan's infamous "Sleepless in Seattle" table at Katz's Deli (with the bossiest, grouchiest staff in the world!)

Sat at Meg Ryan's infamous "Sleepless in Seattle" table at Katz's Deli (with the bossiest, grouchiest staff in the world!)

Note one, but two tours of the Tenement Museum, and walked the streets, and explored the gift shop . . . 

Note one, but two tours of the Tenement Museum, and walked the streets, and explored the gift shop . . . 

And finished with a Frozen Hot Chocolate at Serendipity 3--because of that scene in the movie . . . 

And finished with a Frozen Hot Chocolate at Serendipity 3--because of that scene in the movie . . . 

Julia Cameron, discusses the importance of taking ones' self on "artist dates" in her 12 Step Guide to Creative Recovery, The Artist's Way. She believes these dates to be so restorative, she prescribes them weekly as a vital component of the recovery process. 

As prescribed, I've taken myself on Artist Dates. However, as with gym time, spa time, dentist visits, and other "good for you" scheduled events, regardless how enjoyable,  I tend to rush through Artist Dates to art stores, playgrounds, museums and the like. After,  I tick them off like just another chore on the list and more on. 

When the Newark Express pulled away last evening, I was sad to see John leaving.

When the Newark Express pulled away last evening, I was sad to see John leaving.

At the same time I was bubbly, energized and excited to get back to writing. Why?

When we were kids and acting fussy. Not naughty, but that sort of irritating, pestery, whiney baby-ish, my folks would send us outside. "Let them play it out," they'd say. As though, by playing hard, we could use up, expel our peevishness. 

Artist Dates can be inspirational, informative, restorative even. But let's face it, they aren't necessarily fun. On the otherhand, Play Dates are fun. What the heck? We are writing for children + We are trying to tap into our inner children + Play Dates are fun = Maybe you do need to stay focused, keep your butt in the chair, approach writing as seriously as every other career. But, but, every now and again, especially when we're feeling peevish, we need to get out there and play! 

The truth about visitors is: Visitors visit to have fun. They want to play. And, unless they visit when we're away, they come looking for a playmate. Sure, we can do our best to stick to "business as usual" when we have visitors. But why?  

Playmate! Come out and play with me/And bring your dollies, three/climb up my apple tree . . . 

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Mama's a CA Chromaniac

Mama has a brand new bag: she's a CA Chromaniac! In anticipation of the Belmont Stakes, Mom sent a packet of newspaper clipping of California Chrome along with a check and instructions to "Bet it to Win!"

Racing Form in hand, Curtis lines up at the Betting Window

Racing Form in hand, Curtis lines up at the Betting Window

Truth is, Curtis & I started this latest of Mom's obsessions by attending Kentucky Derby weekend 2014.

Who knew, when we donned our fancy hats and duds that was the beginning of CA Chromania! 

 

So, as we await the running of the Belmont Stakes--and California Chrome's shot at the Triple Crown and diamond-crusted path to stud infamy--it seems fitting to recount highlights from our Derby 2014 Experience: 

Look, Mom! I placed the bet!

Look, Mom! I placed the bet!

Since 1931, the order of Triple Crown races has been the Kentucky Derby first, followed by the Preakness Stakes, and then the Belmont Stakes. . .

To date, 289 horses have won a single leg of the Triple Crown, 52 horses have won two of the races, and 11 horses have won all three races. Pillory won both the Preakness Stakes and Belmont Stakes in 1922, a year when it was impossible to win the Triple Crown because the Kentucky Derby and Preakness Stakes were run on the same day.
— http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_States_Triple_Crown_of_Thoroughbred_Racing
                Mom's betting that after today's race, I'll be able to name another: California Chrome!

                Mom's betting that after today's race, I'll be able to name another: California Chrome!

Joy decorated her "Roses" bathroom for Derby Weekend

Joy decorated her "Roses" bathroom for Derby Weekend

 

 

The Kentucky Derby is all about tradition. We were especially fortunate to be guided through our first Derby weekend experience by veterans, Joy & Donna, both Louisville natives whose Derby history stretches back 30 plus years.

 

 

Michael led the way into Churchill Downs . . . 

Michael led the way into Churchill Downs . . . 

Note the gallon ziplock bags Michael is carrying!

There are rows of booths selling all manor of food on both race days, but locals traditionally bring in their own. Joy and Donna's specialty, and a Derby tradition: sandwiches with a cucumber-cream cheese spread called  Benedictine

Donna stopped to pose with a a pair Pinked up for The Oaks--her personal tradition! The Oaks is run the Friday before the Derby. As Derby Day has attracted more "tourists" and become more expensive, locals prefer The Oaks. 

Donna stopped to pose with a a pair Pinked up for The Oaks--her personal tradition! The Oaks is run the Friday before the Derby. As Derby Day has attracted more "tourists" and become more expensive, locals prefer The Oaks. 

Our  box for Derby Day was right at the finish line. 

Our  box for Derby Day was right at the finish line. 

Tony Danza walking his horse, "Danza" to the starting gate. Danza ran 3rd in the Kentucky Derby (Tony Danza doens't own the horse, it's named after him.)

Tony Danza walking his horse, "Danza" to the starting gate. Danza ran 3rd in the Kentucky Derby (Tony Danza doens't own the horse, it's named after him.)

Before races, attendees gather at the stables to check out the horses. 

Before races, attendees gather at the stables to check out the horses. 

"The Derby" is really 2 days of racing. The Oaks is held on Derby Friday; the Kentucky Derby on Saturday. “The Oaks,” so they say, has gained in popularity with locals as The Derby has become more commercial and more expensive. Too, “The Oaks” is a fundraising event, for Breast Cancer research and awareness and most folks dress in pink. 

The Oaks is a charity race day to raise funds and awareness for breast cancer:  It is all about the hats, too. And most every one wears pink.  (I have pink on underneath my sweater, really (It was freezing at parts of the day)

The Oaks is a charity race day to raise funds and awareness for breast cancer:  It is all about the hats, too. And most every one wears pink.  (I have pink on underneath my sweater, really (It was freezing at parts of the day)

Pink Lily is the traditional Oaks drink                           Mint Juleps are the traditional Derby drink

Pink Lily is the traditional Oaks drink                           Mint Juleps are the traditional Derby drink

A portion of the sale of each Pink Lily goes to charity: Bright Pink and Horses for Hope. We donated of course!

No clue if/what Moet Chandon donated, but we supported that, too!

No clue if/what Moet Chandon donated, but we supported that, too!


Let's hope the Cigar proceeds were donated, too!

Let's hope the Cigar proceeds were donated, too!

Kentucky Derby day was bright--so we posed at the finish line between races. L-R: Michael, Aaron, Joy, Donna, Kelly & Curtis

Kentucky Derby day was bright--so we posed at the finish line between races. L-R: Michael, Aaron, Joy, Donna, Kelly & Curtis

It’s really Derby “week” with events including steamboat races, parades, parties, etc. culminating in two days of horse races. Those we all know of “The Derby,” locals favor Saturday’s event, “The Oaks.”

Here's Aaron with Lee. Tradition and convenience demands they always park at the same place: Ms. Lee's house.

Lee's made Derby Weekend a business. She turns her yard--front and back into a parking lot, and blocks off as many street spots as she can. 

She used to cook for both The Oaks and The Derby, but now Lee only cooks on Derby Day. Her specialty is greens, beans & ham. 

The Rule is:

No matter what, Meet back at Lee's!

We met up at Lee's then walked the 2 blocks to Churchill Downs. L-R: Kelly, Joy, Donna, Eileen, Leah's friend & Leah (Donna's daughter)

We met up at Lee's then walked the 2 blocks to Churchill Downs. L-R: Kelly, Joy, Donna, Eileen, Leah's friend & Leah (Donna's daughter)

Almost time: At 6:52 EDST the Belmont Stakes starts. The horses are making their way to the starting gates. Mama's watching!

                                           COME ON CALIFORNIA CHROME!!!   

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