Confessions of a Vampire Baby's Victim #8
Mary Chapin Carpenter sings a song called "The Bug" (written by Mark Knoffler), it goes: "Sometimes your the windshield/sometimes your the ball. . . . "
That's how it is with babies, too. Sometimes of us are biters. And the rest of you are, well . . .
Take my friend, author Anne Broyles, reading her books, seeing her, knowing her, you'd never suspect her of being a biter. . .
Just released! Sure to become one of those we-read-it-every-year Christmas stories (illustrated by KE Lewis, Pelican)
In keeping with the season: A Russian Immigrant family's first Halloween in the U.S.
. . . And you'd be right.
That didn't prevent Anne from becoming a Vampire Baby's victim though. Here's her story:
"When I was three and a half, my family hosted a family with a toddler. I had a great time lugging this "baby" around and feeling like the "big kid." She was the same size as my doll, but talked some, could play chase, and seemed to adore me. So it was a shock when one day she brought her sweet face in close to mine and...chomped my cheek. It had never occurred to me that another human being would bite me, especially someone who I thought had loved me so much.
I pushed her off of me and yelled for my parents. I vividly remember not so much the pain (though I had teethmarks on my cheek for a while) as the betrayal of that baby's teeth. From then on, I ignored the visiting toddler and stuck with my doll, who was about the same size as the baby, but never, ever, not-even-once bit me."
3 1/2 year-old Anne and her "trusty" friend
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After, after, after you Enter the Contest: Here's Mary Chapin Carpenter singing "The Bug"
#6 I Was Aiming for the Wooden Spoon and Missed . . .
Confessions of a Kindergarten Vampire #6
Single mother of two before she was 22, my mother was what you politely call "strict." A staunch believer in the adage "spare the rod, spoil the child" any weapon at hand--fly swatter, shoe, yard stick, wooden spoon--served as her "rod" when she was riled. Rather than heed warning and curb our mischievous ways, my brother and I hid the various weapons under the couch and carried on . . .
While I do remember a repairman pulling out our gold vinyl couch and finding--to my mother's mortification--a grand assortment of "rods" hidden beneath it, I don't recall this episode. But everyone else in the family seems to. And it has always filled me with a sick sort of prideful remourse, so I'll share it here.
Mother Mary Ellen, 23 and gorgeous! In my defence, she was weilding a wooden spoon
The story goes that one Saturday afternoon, my mother was in the kitchen, whipping up a batch of pancakes, when my brother Joe, then about 3, committed some offense. While she was stirring and reprimanding, I crawled into the room, across the floor, and using her leg to steady myself, pulled up to a standing position, turned my face into her leg, opened wide and bit down! And, she says, smiled while she cried and hollered for me to let go. . .
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#5 Is it . . . In The Blood?
Confessions of a Baby Vampire #5
Out of consideration of the faint-of-heart the "red eye removal" feature has been applied to this photo. (Don't let the lack of fangs fool you: the Twilight Vamps have retractable fangs, too.)
Although it doesn't say it anywhere in the book, the main character in VAMPIRE BABY does have a name. He's named after my nephew, Devin. Devin, shares a common root with devil. No one would ever, ever call Devin a devil-child now--he's a top student, vice-president of his school, football player, all around nice guy--now, I say, because there was a time . . .
When my sis-in-law, Joanne, told me about Devin and "that time" she was called into the principal's office, I received the news with a mixture of relief and anxiety. After years of being the only "biter" (whispered from the side of their mouths from behind their hands, and with a shudder of disapproval) it was comforting in that misery-loves-company way to know I wasn't the only one. And a bit worrisome thinking it might be---cue the music dum-du-dum-dum-duhhhhhh-- in our blood.
A quick click through the internet (repository of all knowledge true and not) I'm not the only one worried that vampirism might be hereditary. According to an article from the Pravadaru Post, "Lee Eallis, a British physician, came up with a theory that linked the so-called vampires with porphyria, one of a group of rare inherited disorders due to disturbance of the metabolism of the breakdown product of the red blood pigment hemoglobin. In 1963, Eallis submitted his monograph titled On Porphyria and Etymology of Vampires to the Royal Society of Medicine."
So according to reports, a classmate named Casey "turned" Devin. It happened in Kindergarten, near the "house" corner or the "coloring" corner. Stories vary as to the location and time, as they do regarding the exact incantation Casey used to bring about Devin's transformation. All parties agree on one point. Consistently agreeable, smiley, all around good guy, Devin, turned around a sank his fangs into Casey's back. And when it was all over, even after being sent to the principal's office, even after the authorities were called, and threatened with expulsion and unimaginable punishment, Devin refused to repent. "You deserved it!" was his only defense.
Check out long, sharp, pointed fangs . . .
I'll leave it to you to decide: Is biting a symptom of some rare inherited vampiric disorder or is it simply a matter of being a nice guys last resort?
One last word on the subject. This is Devin's family dog. His name is Mr. Fangles
The "I Vant My Vampire Baby" Book Trailer Contest--is NOW!!!
Here's how: View the Vampire Baby by Kelly Bennett book trailer on Youtube. Leave a comment. You're entered to win you're very own authographed copy of the book. It's that easy!
#4 I Didn't Mean to Hurt Him . . .
Confessions of a Baby Vampire #4
Oh the glee with which my mother relays baby vampire stories . . . I don't recall this every happening, can't imagine myself doing it, but, the story goes that my brother Joe . . .
Confessions of a Baby Vampire #4
Oh the glee with which my mother relays baby vampire stories . . . I don't recall this every happening, can't imagine myself doing it, but, the story goes that my brother Joe love, love, loved his baby sister. And he loved to give me squeezes and lovies. One day, he bent close to do just that and CHOMP! I bit him, clamped down on his bottom lip and would not let go . . .
My brother Joe, 3 years old. He was a loving big brother
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#3 Jerry Started It . . .
Confessions of a not-so-baby Vampire #3
Me, our neighbor, Jerry, and Joe riding the bucking mule at Knott's Berry Farm
Jerry, lived across from us in the next building. Mostly, Jerry was my brother's friend. Sometimes, Jerry was my friend, too. (Especially when they were bored.) One summer day, the three of us decided to run away. While Joe and Jerry stood guard, I sneaked in the kitchen and packed the lunchbox and we set off. We walked and walked for like a hundred miles. When starvation set it, we climbed into a massive sewer pipe section which had been left in a ravine. When I had to pee, the boys stood guard, I did they same for them--just in case we were being tracked by marauders. Along the way, we kept watch for bottles. (Back then bottles could be returned for a deposit of 5 or 10 cents). We found a few (maybe 2?) and stored them in the now empty lunch box, which we took turns carrying. As dusk, we found ourselves near the grocery store. Rations depleted, we raced to the store to cash in our bottles. As it happened, I was holding the lunch box. As we neared the entrance, Jerry tried to snatch the lunch box away from me, so . . . I bit him.
The "I Vant My Vampire Baby" Book Trailer Contest--is NOW!!!
Here's how: View the Vampire Baby by Kelly Bennett book trailer on Youtube. Leave a comment. You're entered to win you're very own authographed copy of the book. It's that easy!
I Vant My Vampire Baby! Contest Details
Just in time for Halloween...
Enter now to become one of 3 lucky winners in theI Vant My VAMPIRE BABY contest!
Prizes include an autographed copy of VAMPIRE BABY by Kelly Bennett for your little ghost or goblin – along with fun VAMPIRE BABY swag such as bookmark, postcard, and fangs.
It’s easy to enter, here’s what you do:
1) Check out the VAMPIRE BABY book trailer on YouTube
2) Post a comment about the book trailer on that page (below the trailer)
3) You’re entered! It’s just that easy!!
Don’t miss out – be sure to enter today...and tell your friends!!
The contest will run from 10/15 to midnight 10/31/13! Three winners being selected and posted on Facebook at Kelly Bennett Books and in the book trailer comments on 11/1/13. Be sure to check for your name to see if you’re one of the 3 winners!
Click to view: VAMPIRE BABY book trailer on YouTube
Happy Viewing!
Handwriting Contest for Students
Back in the day, it was more about how you wrote than what you wrote. There was something to that--still is if you ask the IRA!
Are you ready for a healthy, educational competition that rewards everyone, builds students' self-esteem, and generates positive public relations for your school?Enter the Zaner-Bloser National Handwriting Contest—an annual event that Zaner-Bloser sponsors to promote legible handwriting. The contest is free to enter and open to all students in Grades 1–8.
Over $100,000 in cash and prizes will be awarded. Prize packages for students, teachers, and schools include an all-expenses-paid trip to IRA’s 57th Annual Convention in Chicago, Illinois, for the eight outstanding teachers of the Grand National Grade-Level Winners! Watch this video to learn more.
Give all your students the opportunity to win. Download contest entry forms today. The deadline to enter is January 23, 2012—National Handwriting Day.
Sincerely,
International Reading Association